by Will Kemp

Sooooooooooooooooooooo…

Hi there, everyone. It is currently 8:00 AM and I have been unable to sleep. I work at 11:00. =/

That’s not what all of this is about. This is about the most fucked up pornography I have ever seen. I wouldn’t even consider this porn, really.

Right now I’m going to state this.

DEARGODNOTSAFEFORWORK. NSFW. NSFW.NSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSFFFFFWWWWWWWWWW.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

The other day I came to Rob with an idea and that idea was to have a week-long porn off. Rob and I would try to find the most fucked up pornography we could find that wasn’t illegal and report about it on here. Well, he didn’t want to do it but decided to link me to the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. Maybe not weird, but just… sad. I don’t even know if sad is the right word. Maybe the worst thing about this whole thing is that I’m not rolling around in the fetal positioning, weeping like a small child. I think I’ve become so desensitized to everything that this is just a “Well… fuckin’ eh” kind of thing. Or, my body has gone into a state of shock and I just haven’t realized it yet.

Anyway, ONTO THE PORN. Again, DEAR GOD NOT SAFE FOR WORRRRRRRKKKK.

Let’s start off with the basic premise of this porn. It is not meant to turn you on at all, it is meant to be vile and sick. It is meant to make you scream. A man is sticking a bottle up his ass. A WHOLE BOTTLE. A BIG FUCKING BOTTLE.

Dear God I hope this is fake, and even if it is, why was it made?

First off, the man is hairy. Incredibly, incredibly hairy.  I didn’t notice that first, though. What did I notice first? “DEAR GOD, WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIS DICK?” I didn’t even notice this man about to squat onto a bottle or his disgustingly hairy, pale body; instead I noticed his dick because it looks like a tumour. It doesn’t look like a regular dick, but some kind of hideous growth. His testicles are FUBAR, too.

First off, his testicles ARE MASSSSSSSIIIIIIVEEEEE and have real no defined shape other than ‘blob-like’  and his dick is just… WHAT THE FUCK? I’m going to hope it’s because a bottle is being stuffed up his poop-chute. It does make me feel a lot better about my dick, at least. A physical description of this penis? Tumour-like. It starts out small, then gets MASSIVVVVVVEEEEE in the shaft - not massive in a good way, but more so in a deformed kind of way - and then becomes incredibly small again at the tip. His foreskin’s all weird, too. In fact, there’s no real defined shape to any of it and it just kinda ends. It looks like he should have more penis, but he doesn’t. I’ve seen other penises in fucked up or amateur pornography and I’ve always kind of wondered if myself and porn stars are the only men with normal dicks in this world.

Enough about the penis, let’s talk about what the man does.

HE SQUATS AND FITS AN ENTIRE BOTTLE INTO HIS BUTT. INTTTTOOOOOOO HIS BUTT. I cannot imagine that being pleasurable no matter who you are and I cannot fathom why someone would do such a thing, let alone tape it. It’s a HUGE bottle, too. I cannot stress how big this thing is without a picture and that’s just a no-no. Anyway, you can literally see this man’s butt being ripped apart and stretched way beyond the human limits. You can see what looks like veins popping in his thighs. VEINS POPPING FOR FUCK’S SAKE. His skin around his ass is turning as white as the page this text is written on.

So, without making a sound he starts the descent into hell. Not a deep breath to prepare himself, not a gasp when it begins, nothing. This man doesn’t make a single sound WHILE the bottle goes up his butt. Not a SINGLE SOUND. Most people would be screaming bloody murder, but nothing. It’s as if he doesn’t notice a bottle is ripping apart his colon. He’s not easing it in there, either.

So, he’s got the bottle all the way in without much trouble at all, without making a sound. He’s got it all the way in until the lid. What happens next? Dear God, what happens next? The worst thing ever. EVER. Worse than slavery, worse than the Holocaust, worse than Kevin Federline.

There is a distinct popping sound.

THE BOTTLE BREAKS. THE BOTTLE BREAAAAAAAAAKSSSS. THE BOTTLE BURSTS IN THIS MAN’S ANAL CAVITIY. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS BOTTLE WAS MADE OF? GLASS. A man just had glas explode inside of his anal cavity. You know what happens when a bottle explodes inside of you? You start bleeding. Not only that, for a brief few moments you can see just how stretched his butt is and it’s absolutely awful. He looks like a damned tunnel waiting for cars to pass through.

This man bleeds like a stuffed pig, FROM HIS BUTT. Poo comes out of your butt, NOT BLOOD. So, he starts to get up and attempts to CLEAN THE GLASS OUT OF HIS BUTT. There’s the lid and broken glass on the floor as this man squats and scoops feverishly at his butt while a puddle of blood starts to form. ANAL BLOOD. It’s a constant stream of anal blood with sporadic hemorrhaging, it seems. That’s the best way I can put it.

DEAR GOD WHY? Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? OHMYFUCKINGSHITWHY? MYYYYYYEYES. HUUUURGGGHHH. JESUS CHRIST. I dunno how I didn’t throw up? At twenty-one seconds of the video, the bottle has broken and this video is two minutes and forty-two seconds long. This guy didn’t think to STOP the video. I know it’s the most embarassing thing ever to call the hospital because you just had a glass bottle explode in your anus, BUT COME ON.

By the time it’s all done there’s a MASSIVE pool of blood and bottle lid and glass. The man just stands up as if nothing happened. NOTHING. THEN, THEN AFTER ALL OF THAT there’s a scream. The actual video ends at about 2:25 or so. TWO WHOLE MINUTES of a man scooping blood and glass out of his anus.

WHAT IN THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED? My mind was just raped. This is fake, right? It has to be. HAS TO BE. HAAAAAAAAAS TO BE. If it is, why was it even made?

Never ever ever again.

NEVER.

If you want the link, NO. Ask Rob but I refuse to acknowledge this thing exists after this piece is published.

…

Search for ‘ Guy 1 Cup’.